There were several scriptures that I held close to my heart
during my experience with breast cancer, especially during the time I was first
diagnosed when there was so much uncertainty and fear. I had a piece of linen I had received in the
past, which had been referred to as a prayer cloth. It was small enough to fit inside my Bible,
so that is where I had kept it for the last several years. I decided one day after learning about my
diagnosis, I would write these verses on that prayer cloth so they would be
close by. I could just pull the cloth out
of my Bible and read the verses during the day, when I was feeling worried or
anxious. I selected verses that
specifically focused on the provision of God’s comfort and peace. Little did I
know at the time, I would cling to these verses again in a few months during my
husband’s diagnosis with cancer.
One of the verses that I wrote on my prayer cloth and one I would
often read during this time of uncertainty was Philippians 4:6, which says,
“Do not be anxious
about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with
thanksgiving, present your requests to God”.
I was drawn to this verse initially because I thought it
spoke to the anxiety that comes with a cancer diagnosis or really any situation that carries with it uncertainty. I interpreted this verse simply as“do not
worry about anything… bring all your concerns and your fears to God in
prayer”. Yet after I had read this verse
over and over again, I realized, I simply had not paid attention to a small but
yet very important phrase in that verse.
That phrase was, “with thanksgiving”.
The word “thanksgiving” in this verse seemed rather odd and sort of out
of place to me. First of all we are talking
about being anxious, which brings to mind other words such as worry, distress, concern,
and then we’re adding in the word “thanksgiving” in the same sentence? It just didn’t seem like those two words would
belong in the same sentence.
As I began to study that phrase in context of the verse, I
began to think about my own prayer life.
How often did I really give thanksgiving to God? How
often did I express to Him my gratitude for my family, for shelter, for my
health, my life and above all for the life He gave us in His Son. Lately my prayers seemed to consist solely of
my requests, my needs, my complaints … all about ME, ME, ME.
As I mentioned earlier, right before my diagnosis, I was
very unsettled. The best word to describe myself was “weary”… emotionally, physically,
and spiritually. At work I loved my patients, but I was emotionally drained
after many years of witnessing the havoc cancer plays on lives of so many people
I would eventually become very close to. I would spend many days grieving the loss of
those I had come to care for deeply. This emotional drain in turn led me to
feel physically drained. It got to the
point I would drive in to work every day with a heavy sense of dread. I would
then spend the night complaining to my family about the many stresses of the
day. I would go to bed to get up the
next day and repeat the same pattern day after day. In the midst of this, I eventually
began to rationalize that I didn’t have time to read my Bible or participate in
a Bible study because of the physical and emotional exhaustion. Looking back, I say my prayers during that
time were very “needy”, self-centered, and full of complaining, very much like
God’s people in the desert when they “murmured” day after day about their
circumstances, and in doing so doubted God’s provision. Even though they were
free from the slavery of Egypt, their complaining still kept them in bondage. In
a study I’ve done in the past by James McDonald, he says, “Those who choose
complaining as their lifestyle will spend a lifetime in the wilderness. And when you complain about trials, you are
forfeiting the grace that could help you through it instead of embracing it as
tool used by God to keep you humble and keep you close to Him.” Simply saying, complaining is an attitude you
chose, and it is sin.
How sad it must make God when all He hears as a response to
the abundance He has given me is complaining. And not just every now and then, but day after
day after day. But then how does thankfulness
in prayer tie into times of trials? How
do you practice thankfulness with a diagnosis of breast cancer? How could I “embrace” this situation in order
to get close to God?
I simply began by thinking, “What can I be thankful for in
this very moment and in this very circumstance of cancer. I thanked God my
cancer was detected early. I thanked Him
that my prognosis, from what I knew at the time, was very good. I thanked him for the “less aggressive”
nature of my type of cancer. These facts
alone were miracles. They were good
things that God was doing in my life, and I had failed to acknowledge them,
because I was so focused on “the bad” things. I thanked him for my family, my friends, my
church family, my co-workers, … all who
had consoled, encouraged, and lifted me up in their prayers. Although I was in the middle of a pretty
devastating experience, I still had much to be thankful for. I realized thankfulness was a choice. I could either keep complaining to God, or I
could offer Him thankfulness for all He had done in my life. I’m not saying that God does not want to hear
our concerns, our fears, our worries, because He loves us deeply but at the
same time, He is worthy and deserving of our praise. When we offer Him praise and graciousness in
our prayers, it affirms our trust in Him, not only in the good times, but
during times of struggle as well. When
we can be thankful to God in the good times and in the times of uncertainty, we
will reap the gift of His faithfulness. We will learn that He is a God who can
be fully trusted to love us, to care for us and who will protect us during the many
storms we will encounter in life.
