Not Your Ordinary Day

I think anyone who has been diagnosed with breast cancer can recall exactly how they felt the moment they heard the words “you have breast cancer.” I was actually at work and was told over the phone. I had to try to maintain composure until I could manage to leave the office. Once I got in my car, I still could not wrap my mind around what I had just heard. The anxiety and fear that comes with a diagnosis of any type of cancer can be devastating.

The first word that comes to mind when you think about cancer is scary, plain and simple. It is the unforeseeable, the unknown. Nothing can really prepare you emotionally for hearing those words. You literally feel as if time has stopped and your world has been turned upside down and nothing will ever be the same again.  

 I was diagnosed with breast cancer last fall. I had been an oncology nurse for over 20 years. It was my love, my calling, my ministry, to care for those struggling with cancer. Cancer was something I was all too familiar with. In a way, knowing too much was a source of my initial anxiety when I was diagnosed.   Although I was a seasoned nurse, when I was diagnosed, I was just a frightened, overwhelmed patient, not a nurse.

 The day I found out I had cancer, I asked God “why me God, I’ve spent so much of my life caring for cancer patients, why me?”  I had no idea at that time that I was about to embark upon a journey that revealed God’s answer to “why me?”  I can honestly say now, “Why not me?”   I would spend the next few months experiencing like I never had before the love of God through His Word, through circumstances, through family and friends, and through my church family. My journey has not ended, but I can look back now and say that I have never received more blessings in my lifetime than I did during my experience with breast cancer. As I will share later, I would encounter cancer again with my husband, learning about his diagnosis one week before my last reconstructive surgery. Through it all though, I would not change a circumstance, a moment, or give back any tears that fell. It was truly a divine plan designed by the One who loves me most.  Pastor James McDonald says in his Bible study Lord, Change by Attitude, “You forfeit the grace that could help you through a trial by complaining about it instead of embracing it as a tool used by God to keep you humble and keep you close to Him and to see us through.”  

 I wanted to start this blog to offer support to women facing the hurdle of breast cancer. I could not have made it through this experience without the support of my family, friends, church family and most importantly God. God has revealed so much to me during this last year that I cannot sum it all up in a few short words. I continue to be amazed at what I am learning from Him daily. I look forward to sharing that with you. My main goal for this blog is to give God the glory for all His goodness shown to me and my family in the last year.  Another goal is to share how He supplied me with a peace that was truly beyond any understanding. He revealed to me daily how He would never forsake me and would strengthen me in all circumstances.

 The verses, among many, I clung too throughout my experiences over the last year were Philippians 4:6-7,  "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

 I had never thought about presenting my requests with "thanksgiving" especially in the situation of cancer, but I thanked Him for all He had done and for all He was about to do on my behalf. I asked daily that He fill me with His peace. I prayed that my "mind" be guarded as well from all the anxiety and fear that comes with cancer. I became filled with a peace that I could not explain. I finally had to submit it all to God, and through it all, I learned I could trust Him. He remained ever faithful to me.  He will see you through this as well. He will surround you with so much love that you will not believe the amount of blessings you will receive during this journey.